Tiger Woods and the Mystery of the Midlife Crisis

Yes. Ok. I got it. Tiger Woods, America's All Star Athletic Role Model Hero for the ages is.... gasp....human!!!! OMG!!!!! He's human. Far from perfect and not exactly Mr. Morality on the homefront.

Here's what Pink knows: Tiger Woods, Mr. Unstoppable on the Golf Course, dipped his nib outside of the marital pool. Wife found out about it and took a 9 Iron (allegedly) to her philandering husband whose escape attempt resulted in him running over fire hydrant and hitting a tree. Husband issued an apology, wife is now checking out her pre-nup (just in case) and the world continues to turn. Divorce may or may not ensue. We don't know because.... well... we're not married to Tiger Woods or Elin Nordgren.

Now, frankly Scarlett, none of this is really our business. We know about it because Tiger Woods is a superior athlete and he rakes in Big Fat Stupid Bucks from his endorsements and tournaments. (mostly endorsements) and the press follows his phenomenal golfing escapades. He's also a pretty nice guy and up until this Thanksgiving Whoopsy Daisy, pretty much kept his name and mug out of the tabloid press. He is, essentially, a nice guy. He gives to charity, doesn't do drugs, doesn't abuse animals, isn't photographed getting out of an SUV without panties on, isn't shooting up speedballs outside of the Viper Room.

His marital transgressions do not take away from the fact that he is a superior athlete and knows his game.

Am I excusing Tiger Woods' behavior in cheating on his wife with whatever bimbo-looking-for-a-book-deal-cocktail waitress that catches his eye? No. I am not. I neither condone nor understand his actions.

But I am also not surprised nor am I terribly disappointed in Woods either. This is because I, unlike almost everyone else whose life seems to be in upheaval over this scandal, never put Tiger Woods on a pedestal and assigned to him standards that no mortal could ever live up to. I don't worship athletes, movie stars, television reality show contestants, singers, musicians etc. I grew up in Las Vegas. And until you've gone to school with kids whose dads or uncles are Elvis impersonators, you really have no idea just how human performers are. Celebrities, be they athletes, singers, musicians, actors...whatever.... they're humans. They breathe in and out just like you. Put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you, eat and drink and go potty. Just like you.

Did I go crazy over a hot rockstar when I was 16? Yes. His name was Rick Springfield (I am REALLY dating myself here) and he was just to die for. Actually, he's still kind of hot. But I knew at sixteen years old that I would never grow up to marry Rick Springfield so I really didn't care when he married a couple of years later. I met Rick Springfield when I was 16...along with everyone else at my school who was working the Jerry Lewis Telethon that year. He was a nice guy but that was it. He didn't fart butterflies and I never saw a halo around his head. Growing up in Las Vegas, you meet or run into a LOT of celebrities. Andre Agassi (I'm still kind of pissed off at him to this day) pulled out in front of me in traffic (back in the day) and I damn near hit him. Understand that I was driving the crappiest Dodge Omni that Chrysler ever made at the time and he was in a flashy, black Porsche 911. He pulled right out in front of me and I had to hit the brakes hard to keep from hitting him. Tom Cruise accidentally knocked me down in the Ceasar's Palace casino when he was in town filming Rain Man. To be fair, he was actually sort of pushed into me by a crowd of fans and other people and I had no idea that he was on the other side of a slot machine block. ( I had taken on a part time job as a professional child care sitter and was leaving an assignment which is really the only way you'd ever find me in a casino in the first place.) He helped me up, asked me if I was ok and the crowd pretty much pushed him onward. Let's see ... who else? I mean come on.. it's Vegas. You live there long enough (and I no longer do) and you meet and run into pretty much anyone. They're just people who do something either extraordinary or unusual for a living.

Tiger Woods is no exception. He's a gifted athlete. But he's human. Nothing changed when he hit the big time. He was still human. So he's going to do human stuff and that means, stupid human stuff like chip around on his wife. I don't condone what he did.

But seriously. All this weeping and wailing and tearing of clothes and removing of photographs (see Scott Kelby's blog here: http://www.scottkelby.com/blog/2009/archives/7458) and bitter disappointment is a little too much.

Why the big disappointment? I'll tell you why... because people worship him. They expected him to fart butterflies and hallucinated that a halo glows around his head. So he acts human, screws up, gets caught and now everyone is ready to slit their wrists? They're upset because he's no longer a "role model for my child"?

People, he never should have been a role model for your children in the first place. He never should have been worshiped in the first place. You're disappointed because YOU set standards for him that no mortal can live up to. You decided that he should be above all humans, above all reproach and never, ever, make a mistake. YOU decided that he was a deity to worship. If you're upset and disappointed, well... that's too bad. Because YOU set yourself up for this disappointment. Personally, I worship someone...but you're not going to find Him in People Magazine's Sexiest Man issue. People, Sports Illustrated and the like usually don't see a lot of press mileage in a humble Jewish carpenter but I do. My Savior is definitely a role model because I'm always being asked What Would Jesus Do? Not: What would Michael Vick do?

See the difference? Tiger Woods never went into golf promising us anything other than his best work out on the golf course.

And while we're on the subject... C'mon Man!!!!! I don't condone cheating on one's spouse. But when you compare what Woods did to the transgressions of Ron Artest (Former Indiana Pacer and current LA Laker) aforementioned Michael (dog fight) Vick, Ray Carruth (former Carolina Panthers player who shot and killed the woman carrying his child because he didn't want to pay child support) and Ray Lewis (Baltimore Ravens player was arrested for murder but got off when witness testimony placing him as a perpetrator was altered. Lewis later reached monetary settlements with the families of the victims. To date, the criminal cases remain unsolved and no one has been held accountable for the murders) et al, what Woods has done hardly warrants these calls for his head on a silver platter or burning at the stake.

Get over yourselves, Sports Fans and accept that while these people might be extremely gifted, they're still human, they're going to do stupid stuff and their yearly income, lavish lifestyles, press attention, fame and fortunes are not passports to safety from being human. And stop worshiping them. Admire them for their talents, musicianship, game play, abilities, acting talents... whatever. Admire Tiger Woods for being (for the most part) a nice guy. Look at his transgressions and think for the first time in your life "I'm really glad I'm not him". And then teach your children to look up to someone else. And if you set the right example, the role model they will have will be you. And while you're at it, take a leaf out of Scott Kelby's blog (aforementioned) and rather than pass judgment on Woods, pray for him. Pray for him and for his family that they heal from this rift and move on and become stronger.